Only You (YuuAsuramaru - Christmas special)
by NekoHolic
Summary: Everything been set a day before Christmas, but his heart is restless. When everyone else on the squad found their own lover, the lonely small demon can only watch from the distance as he see his master indulge his time with the blonde vampire, Mika. Jealously and loneliness spiraled as Christmas Eve will be time for confession. Angst ensue in painful emotion trainwreck.


Sorry for not updating my other fanfic for months. I'm busy doing my art and my novel. XD On the other side, here's my new fanfic that I upload on Archieveofourown few days ago, after Christmas.

Asurayuu/Yuuasura fanfic for Christmas special edition of Asurayuu Week 2016 of Tumblr. Not beta read. Pretty long, over 4K words.

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This year, another Christmas approached.

The whole squad- No, the whole world is busy. There's Christmas decorations all around every houses, shining warm light on each of all, accompanied by the slowly falling snow.

It's not the day yet, but the whole squad already busy with their Christmas tree. Because obviously anything that live along with humanity will celebrate it. Unless _we_ , demons.

I can only watch from the distance, from the edge of the room. Oh silly, _even_ Gekkoin and Kiseki-o were there. What do they think they are? Did they forget already that they're not human anymore? Oh right, they won't care because they're in relationship with human.

You see, out of ridiculous chain of events since years ago, the two slowly get attached to their master that their bonds start to change. Yes, Kiseki-o with that telephone pole, and Gekkoin with that small brunette.

Ironically, far before them, my relationship with mine is already even stronger, but we never reach such state. Probably partially because Yuu is so obvious to all the hearts that love him (seriously, poor them all because none of them ever get recognized by him), and another reason is because... He's already in love with someone.

Yes, with the blonde vampire, Mikaela.

It's never confirmed by mouth, but his heart is fixated on him. Even without me need to read his heart, I already know. Heck, the **whole** squad already know.

I sighed heavily as I continue to watch... Ahh here he come. The blonde come and Yuichiro's eyes lit up brightly like he just see stars. Typical.

Unable to watch further, I just walk out from the room. It's pretty much dreary for me even if there's pretty much everyone here. Guren with his beloved white-haired lover, many member of JIDA, and there's even Ferid and Crowley on the second floor. If you didn't know yet, they get along with the gang since the time they need to work on together, so they're still on good term by now. What's funny is how Yuu stop despising and hating on vampire once he discovered that all vampire is once human. So simple he is.

I go to the second floor and spend my time on the balcony, staring at the sky, counting on each snowdrop that reach my lonely body.

Suddenly I sense a familiar presence coming. Ahh it's him. A fellow demon. The fiery blue-white tiger, Byakkomaru. He simply materialize beside with the blue fire ignited out.

"Oh, Byako. Enjoying your time?" I speak plainly, still looking at the sky.

"Don't be so bitter, Asura. You know that Shinya always good to me, doesn't matter he spend time with me or not." The tiger speak in reverberate voice. So he notice what I'm saying. Seeing how Shinya and Guren goes lovely-dovely all the time made me though he's feeling unloved. I guess not. He's more mature and wise than me. Unusually wise for a demon, actually.

"Don't mind me being bitter here, my master never spend time with me anymore." I speak in casual, playful tone. Clearly it's all sarcasm.

"As far as I remember, he talked with you almost every single day." The tiger chuckled like an old man.

"But not as close as **_THOSE_ ** two." I speak in emphasis as I roll my eyes down, directing it obviously to Kiseki-o and Gekkoin. I know envy and greed is part of my existence, but I never been so envious with another demon until just few years ago.

"Well they're in relationship, so..."

"Exactly. _That's_ what bothered me."

"Does it? Didn't you always want to be the same too?"

I smirked in another caustic pain. "Hah, no... I think demon should just stay as demon. It's ridiculous enough that he became my friend, and I can't stand if he's now my lover too." I spoke as my vision going into the horizon, unable to bear the emotions on my small, fragile heart.

Demons shouldn't had friends. They had no family. They don't even had human emotions... But I had them. And worse, Yuu taught me how to love, how to be loved, only to dump me like this. _Traitor_.

"You're sure? My memory is still strong, Asura. I remember you said that he love you-"

"And that's a lie." I quickly cut him off once I hear the words. I always can't stand it. Hearing it bring my suffering, like my old scar pried open.

"...He love someone else. All this time. Foolish of me to wait and to ever gave him chance. Heck, he doesn't even regard my existence much. He even switch to the seraph just to save his friends. For him, everyone is his family. He love them all. His _love_ toward me is nothing special. I should just beat him at that day when he said he'll love me."

"But have you asked which he love the most? You're making assumption, Asura. You're supposedly had more human emotions than all of us. You had heart. I don't see why it's so hard for you to understand humanity."

"Yes... _That's_ why I don't trust humanity. That's why I know where his feeling goes. I'm just his demon. He just want my power. As much as his feeling goes, I'm just a "family" for him and nothing more. My placement is **even** below any of his squad member."

"Up to you. I don't want to meddle into your business, but I still stand on my opinion that he does love you. I never see human so pure, so honest like him. Not **even** my master and his lover is half as good as him."

I sighed. He had a point, but I'm too afraid... And I don't want to show that me, Asuramaru, a high-ranked demon and considered special among us all, to had fear. But I had them. I worry, I fear, I love... And those what exactly I must not show.

"Yeah, he's pure and innocent... Too good, too pure, he's even unaware of his own feeling." I replied one last time before I leave the balcony and going back down. Before I reach the stairs, a hand reached my shoulder. Oh it's him. Freaking Bathory never took a hint.

"Heeey Ashera~ Krul was missing you on Sanguinem. Also you seems lonely, so do you- AGHHH!" I twist his wrist with my hand. He forgot his position. He's just a Seventh Progenitor. How dare he flirt with _me_ , which was chosen by the First Progenitor himself? Then again, Ferid know no sense of decency. He dare of treachery even against a Third Progenitor, my little sister, Krul. Not to mentioned plotting the death of the two Second Progenitors.

"Hands off, Bathory. I had no interest on you. As for Krul... Tell her I'm living _happily_." I dissed him as I descend down the stairs.

I took a deep breath and go back to my master's side. Oh there he is. They're done decorating the tree, so they each go back to their own business. As expected, I know their pair. Yuu is with Mika, Shinoa with Mitsuba, Shiho with Kiseki-o, Yoichi with Gekkoin, and Narumi with.. I forgot his name. It's that guy that Ferid revived, one of his past teammates. Then Guren with Shinya, and Ferid with Crowley. Oh what a fun being left out alone. The other demons doesn't seems to bother being alone. I seems to be the only one who lowkey having such pent-up emotions.

"Oh, Asuramaru! Where have you been?" Yuu wave his hand on me. I sighed over how blissfully unaware he is. Just look at his smile that shine brightly like sunlight. "Upstairs..." I answered shortly and quickly sit alone on nearby the fireplace.

"What's wrong with him? He's usually so cheerful and all attached on you." I can hear Mikaela talk about me to Yuu. "I... I'm not sure. He's been like this since years ago. Whenever Christmas come, he's always like this..." Yuu answered in a rather worried tone. But nothing happened. They only ever watched. I continue my lamentation as my eyes fixated on the fireplace for an hour, or more. Then disturbance start to come.

"Hey little Ashura. Feeling lonely aren't ya?" A rather hunky, tall man come to me. Unless he's not human. He's Gekkoin.

"Speak nonsense one more time and I'll punch you." I glare at him, especially as he mentioned that I'm alone.

"Whoa, feisty as always. I wondered why you're so lonely. I can accompany you if you wa-"

Without waiting him to finish, I elbow him. Loud thud made as he roll down the floor. Seems I add too much force. Worth it, though.

Seeing the bigger demon in pain, a smaller demon laughed. Ahh, that's Kiseki-o. Usually just called as Kise-chan by everyone.

"Wow, you're totally in Christmas mood. _As always_ ~" He spoke to me with twisted tongue near the end. Oh he know I'm not on the mood, alright.

"Oh, Kise. May I speak with you? I rather do it on some... Other place." I walk out to the backyard garden and he follow me with a smile. "Sure! What is it?" He asked, but I won't answer until we reach the snow-filled garden.

"Uhh... You see... You're in relationship with Shiho... How it's going?" I try not to sound too obvious on my intention.

"I think everyone already know that me and Kimi-chan already officially in relationship. How it's going? Good, I guess. Nothing special." He sit down on top of the ledge as he childishly swing his feet around.

"I mean... How could you two start the relationship?"

"Ohh? That? Kimi-chan confessed. It start with Yoichi and Gekkoin, and he seems to be inspired by that."

I listened with an indifferent face, ended with a heavy sigh. This get nowhere.

"Oh never mind. Enjoy your time with him." I wave my hand lowly before going away. Kiseki-o seems confused, but no way I explained why I seeks to be disappointed. Because confession. _No way in thousand year of once in a blue moon that someone named Hyakuya Yuichiro can stop being so oblivious._ No way it happens.

I pretty much giving up and just de-materialize back into the katana. Christmas still two days later, but the angst already build up worse than the last two year. Great.

I just stare emptily at the endless white plains.

Ever since the war ended, Yuu never need to use the sword as often as before.

I guess they're right...

Once he doesn't need my power anymore, soon I'll be forgotten and forced to watch him be happy with someone else.

Is this how it felt to lose your importance of existence?

I curled down, embracing my own body and try to hold down my tears.

A demon, crying? Ridiculous. Shameful.

If I need to live alone, I'll just accept it the way it is.

* * *

On the next day...

Same like usual. People busy with their own business. The squad done with the whole decoration, so now it's the day off. Christmas Eve, a romantic day, they said. Everyone go with their own pairing. Yuu of course, go with Mikaela. I can hear all their conversation since my master carry my sword wherever he go, so I'm there, being an awkward, invisible third-wheel of the two lover.

They go all around the two, enjoying the Christmas mood and everything. He also shop for gift for everyone, which probably include me, but at this point I won't expect much. After all, I told him I never wish for any Christmas gift.

Oh, now they go to a park. Like any romantic partner, they just spend their time on the snow, chatting, eating warm foods. Seems they really enjoyed their time.

"Yuu, it's the time. I need to go back to Sanguinem before night, so I could be there before tomorrow." Mika said. That's surprising, but I guess he had some business there.

"Also before I go, can I... Had a _sip_?" With that, they blushed. I know what this vampire need. Yuu nod. "Of course! I told you that I'm always here whenever you need me." He smiled so happily as he loosened his collar and expose his neck. Mikaela lean closer and... That's it. I can't watch further. I materialize somewhere far away, without telling Yuu, and running.

Once five minute goes, I go back and they're already gone. Yuu seems try to call me out but I didn't respond. Of course. I'm not there.

" _Enjoying_ your time, Yuu?" I smiled sarcastically as I approached him. His eyes dilate wide as he realize I'm there. He run to me and hold me by shoulder. "Where'd you go? I was worrying!"

I sighed internally and smirked at him. "Oh you know, I just don't want to _disturb_ your fun time with your lover." Each of my own word stab my heart like tiny fragment of glasses.

Yuu stare at me with utter confusion. "Hah? Lover? I don't get what you're talking about."

"Whatever Yuu. I'm going back in. Also don't speak to me for now." I instantly end the conversation, avoiding further contact, before my feelings burst. God, why I need to reborn as demon with a heart? Would be easier if I had none of these emotions.

My master still seemingly clueless, and it's best be.

Regardless, he keep try to talk to me, even more than before. He keep nagging and mentioning me all along as he walk the city. Oh, what did he want now? Finally want to spend time with me once he had no one else beside him?

For more than an hour I pretty much ignored him and just answer shortly if his question is truly important. I won't respond to his "Why you seems to upset lately", "Do you still remember your last time celebrating Christmas?", "Do you had anything you want for this year's Christmas?"

At this point I had no desire or anything to look forward. Been quite of time since I felt like... _I'm not living_. Then I remembered that it's him that show me the light again, that made me felt alive again, after decades spent alone on cold nothingness. He's the first one that I ever show my heart with...

He continue to talk with me but my eyes is empty ember of the garnet red. I see the beauty of this city as everything turn dark, as night fall, as light began to lit one by one.

He just spend there for... I don't know for long. He spend sitting on his bench, holding onto his sword as if he wish he could reach me. After such a long moment of silence, he finally speak again.

"Do you remember how do we meet?"

I lift my head, looking at him from inside the sword.

"We're not even friend at that time. You just lend me a power because I need to kill the vampires. But sooner or later, I start to see you as someone important... Perhaps at first it's just because I see you as my friend, my family, much like how I see anyone else..."

He pause for few seconds. His face, his smile getting mellow. "I start to see your loneliness. Your pain. I start to see what humanity do to you. I want to help you but I can't... You ask me to hurt you, but I can't... That's when I start to realize I had _certain_ feeling for you."

He look down into the sword, into me, and smiled brightly, like when he confessed for the first time. "That's why I said I'll love you. And I'm happy you accept that."

For a while, there's no answer. I didn't react. Then before he realize it, I was already sitting beside him, sighing heavily.

"You know, Yuu... That's the first time I **ever** open my heart to human ever again. Not because I accept them as my master, not for the contract, but because I began to care for you. For the whole year, I began to be more open, to trust you, to believe you're the one that will freed me from this curse, from my seal, one day..."

I hesitate for a moment to continue. I close my eyes before I do. "I... I didn't regret that... But I wish you _truly_ could love me... So silly of me to think I even deserve love. I'm just a demon. I didn't deserve friend or family, let alone love..."

I'm sure I appear as a mess right now, because even my voice start to get shaky. My hand softly tremble under the skin. Not because of the cold, but because all the emotions that I've been suppressed for a really long time.

"But you're once human... I'm sure you still remember the feeling of having a family, of feeling to be loved... I believe you could. I hold on those hope, all this time. I wish that our bonds is not just between a master and a weapon..."

I smiled, my emotions run wild as it began to leak into my words. "Family? Love? I lost all of them!" I raise my voice as I turn to him, tears forming but I look away before they fall. "When I was still human... My family abuse me and my sister. The rest of those ancient feudal society despise my low rank. Then I receive help from _The First_ , but after centuries, he choose me to sacrifice my future for everyone else... To be a demon..." The shaking of my hand intensify.

"At that time, I'm not afraid. I'm sad to let go my one and only family, but I believe this is for the good of all... Only to be betrayed by humanity and everyone else... They lock me away in loneliness. My sanity slip away as I struggle and scream. My memory began to fade as I lost the one last remain of my human heart... Then I'm a heartless cruel demon... I believe to possess and devour the heart of man is my sole purpose in life..."

I took a long period, trying to brace myself. I need to be strong. I'm the one that decide to speak, so I must end it.

"You're the one that change me. You're the one that made me believe I could be human again at heart. You open my corrupted heart and gave me comfort... As our journey and battle proceed, I began to care for you. We're start to get connected, inseparable, to be one. I can feel your heart, and you're the one that start to notice my emotions, which I hide so tightly..."

Another stream of salty drop drip from my eyelid as I shut tight my eyes. "...Yuu... After all this time... After all that I gave for you... After all our pain and suffering... When I start to regain my human heart again for you... I can't believe you betray me like this..."

Unable to hold it back anymore, more tears run down through my cheek. I began to sob softly under my breath. This is the first time I ever show him my vulnerable, emotional side.

Yuu can only look at me, both still perplexed, sympathetically, and probably feeling awful for me. How not? It's been years and he never know about any of this.

"I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for betraying you or hurting you, or anything at all... But I really don't know, since I don't remember I ever betrayed you. Is it when I choose over the seraph?" He speak softly and I hiss back at him in annoyance. My emotions is already all over my head.

 _"NOT THAT ONE!"_ He turn to him as tears dressed all over my face. I don't know how messy I looks like, but Yuu looks just... devastated with guilt.

"I... It's how you said you'll love me... But you choose over him..., You ignored your promise. You don't need me anymore. Maybe because you just don't like me anymore..." I can't speak rationally anymore. My emotion never been clouding my judgment so much, and when it does, it felt overwhelming since I always try to hold myself strongly.

"Him...? I don't know who-"

" **HYAKUYA MIKAELA!** Don't you pretend you didn't know!" I shout as my irritation spiraled out. I then soften, feeling just so much in pain by now. "You love him... I know it. Your heart speak the undeniable truth. I know you love him more than anyone else."

Unable to look at his face anymore, I just look down. I'm feeling so done. I'm feeling heartbroken, unable to keep on myself anymore. After venting it all out, I'm feeling empty and drained. I just sob silently.

"Asura... Listen... I do love him, but it's not like that. We're not lover. He's just..." He keep trying to find his excuse. I didn't dare to even look at his face when mine ruined like this. Never been in my life, ever since I'm a demon, that I felt my pride, my will, my desire, everything slip down, flushed by shame and suffering.

"He's my one and only true family. One that's most important than anyone. Not because I choose too, but he's just my important family member. But... but you're something else. Please believe me... Please..." He start to collapse too. His voice shaken as his arm reach my shoulder. I didn't respond at all, and without waiting for my permission, he pull me into a hug.

"...I want to believe you, but I couldn't, Yuu. It's... just so painful... I don't know anymore..." I start to speak, but stutter as I sobbed. My tears still rolling. Demons supposedly strong, fierce, heartless, terrifying, but I lost all those image already. Because my human heart returned. _Because I love him_.

He didn't reply me for a while until I start to calmed. "I... I don't know how to convince you otherwise, and I can't force you to believe me... But I'm telling you the truth. Can't you see that I truly still love you? I promised I'll love you, to be on your side when you're alone, because I know your pain... So please, believe me."

Under my sob and tears that still come slowly, I shook my head. "I want to believe you... I do love you... You're one that I could truly ever loved again, but... I don't know if you're true to me or not..."

Without him replying, I just continue to ramble. "Yuu... Maybe I'm not the best for you... Maybe Mika is the best to be your love... I... Maybe I didn't deserve this... Isn't that obvious? Because he's your family... I'm just a demon. A tools, keep inside this weapon. I don't think I had the right to be-"

He suddenly stop me as he pull me into tighter hug. I can't help but halt, and all my thought crashed as he do.

"No. I just want you. I don't want Mika, or Shinoa, or Yoichi, or anyone else. I truly love them. They're my friend and family. They're important to me. But you... you're someone else. Without you, I won't live. I won't go this far. You gave everything you had for me. Day by day, you're closer to me, closer than anyone else. Screw anyone who said you're mean and manipulative. I know you do care for me. I can feel your emotions. I know you need me, and I need you too..."

He stop for a moment as his right hand let me go, and then with both hand, he put something on me. On my neck. It resemblance of the chains that once bind me, but it's... something else.

I slowly pull away, brushing my face of my tears, and touch the object that circle my neck. This isn't "chain". It's a small, golden chains connected to a pendulum made of gold and precious purple stone. A jewelry. He just gave me a necklace. But why? What does it means?

"So... that's why I choose you." He smiled at me. I can only stare at him with blank, eyes opened round, innocently stare at his emerald eyes.

"What does it means, Yuu? Why you gave it to me? Is this my Christmas present or something?"

He brushed the back of his head, seems tad flustered. "Well, yes and no... You see, I don't know what you'd like for Christmas gift, so I gave you golden necklace with amethyst, since I thought that uhh... You're pretty and feminine, so I thought jewelry would fit you. But anyway! I just..." He keep stuttering, seems talking without thinking it all.

"You see. Can you consider this as sign of my _proposal?_ " His face blushed red, but he try to keep himself resolute and confidence on his words.

"...Proposal? For what?" I asked, clueless. I had clue of what he meant, but I... I can't believe it's true.

"Uhh Asura, you're smart so you should already know, right? I want to propose you..." He hold my two hands softly and kissed it. " **As my lover**."

I gaze blankly at this exceptional phenomena that I never witness before. After long, long years that felt like endless nothingness, someone said they want to be my love? For real? Is her sure? Did he believe this is the best decision.

However, I can't reply. Just froze, and another single tear fall from my eyes.

"I... Are you sure? I don't think I'm the best for you. I'm bound by chains of curse, unable to stay by your side all the time. I'm not as handsome as Mikaela, not as cute as Shinoa, and not as kind as Yoichi. I think they deserve your love better than me. Me, that can only fight as your sword. As a tool. Not to mentioned that I can be petty and jealous, that I filled with dark emotions, and I... I've hurt you before. A lot. I really don't think-"

He stop my train of thought as he place his finger on my lips. He embrace me and lean closer to me, face to face. I'm sure I'm beet red by now.

"Don't made me repeat this again. I choose you. I want only you. I already think about this since many years ago. Only you."

Silently, softly, he lean more to me. I didn't fight back and surrender to him, letting him do it as his lips touched mine. Warm, soft... Another tears fall to my cheek as I realize that it's been centuries since I felt such heartwarming moment.

He pull away gently as he smiled to me. "So, we're in now? Do you accept me as your lover? Or do I need to show you more proof of my love?"

I can't help but smiled. Tears still flowing, but my heart is melting warm. "Stupid Yuu... After all of that, it's _impossible_ for me to say no, right?"

His face shine bright in relieve and pure happiness. He immediately pull me into a hug and shout his excitement loudly. The empty cold park let his voice echoes everywhere.

"I'm just so happy! I always wait for this day!" He still smiling so brightly, warmly, and never been that I also replied the smile happily.

"Wait, you did? Why you never told me? I'm waiting for years!" I casually questioned him.

"Ohhh sorry! I don't want to ruin the surprise! Mika told me it's best and most romantic if I do it all in Christmas Eve, so I choose today!"

I blinked my eyes like an idiot at his answer. "What? So you're not ignoring me and indulging yourself with Mika all this time?"

He made his usual stupid "huh?" face. "What? Said who? I only do it since you can read my heart, so I keep you away while I discuss the plan with the whole squad. I had no other choice. Also, you didn't know that Mika is now officially together with Krul? She didn't told you?"

So that's it? Oh god, I'm feeling so stupid for accusing him with cheating over me all this time. How can't I see this!? _Also what the heck_. **_Krul with Mika?_** That blondie better take good care of my little sister or I'll wreck him. But then again, Krul could wreck him by her own. Anyway, this explained everything behind it all.

"Uhm, I see. So, things been cleared now and... Can we... celebrate this?" I speak shyly as I hold tight my newly wore necklace.

"Hmm? Celebrate with? Oh we can spend time on cafe, going all over the city, theme park... Mika do many suggestion already so-"

It's my turn to put my hand on his lips.

"Those can wait. I want you to... kiss me one more time."

I'm blushing madly, but I smiled happily, in hint of tease. I need him. I want him. It's been such a long time since I want him to hold me tight and do it.

Then he replied with his charming smile.

"Anytime you ever want, my love."

With that, he sealed me away. My heart and everything felt like attached on his. I'm feeling like I'm _completed_.

An awkward moment that ensue after the kiss, and we can't help but laughed. After that, he hold my hand as we walk away from the park and go back to the crowd of the city. This time, I proudly wear this necklace as sign that he's now mine, and I'm his.

This Christmas Eve is day that I'll never forget. Even after decades later. It'll always be the day that changed my life forever. And I look forward to spend the rest of my life with him.

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* * *

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I'm pretty proud of how this things goes! Running out of time, so need to resort on writing fanfic instead of drawing fanart. Turned out great.

Also I swear this is one of my most painfully heartwrenching angst between these two that I ever write. I DO had tons of angsty tragic headcanon between the two, but oh lord, this is the first time I ever submit them as fanfic.

Inspired pretty much by my old Tumblr RPs with askasuramaru (Kayleigh) that's always so godforsaken angsty. I love her portrayal of how lonely, bitter, emotionally unstable and envious Asuramaru is. Like he's kind of self-deprecating and had zero to no self-worth, because THAT'S TOTALLY ME. I can relate with Asura so much here, that's why it pained me so much.

Also I might cried like five to ten timed while writing this. Writing such painful story, while listening to songs like Ichiban no Takaramono, Decretum, One More Time One More Chance, My Heart Will Go On, Glassy Sky, and such alike, totally shatter my heart. Gdi, smh I'm still crting whenever I re-read this fic excuse me *sobbing*


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